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Joke of the Day

"I ran out of coffee this morning, beer seemed like an acceptable replacement. Everyone is so pretty today."

"How did the hipster drown? He went ice skating on a lake before it was cool."

"How many NorCal kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Hella."

"From my 6 year old: Where do good bees live? A bee-have"

"I believe in equality. If we have a 5 day week of work, we should have 5 day weekends as well dammit."

"Which insect do asian people eat the most of? Lice"

"What do you call a lady pig planting seeds? A sow sow."

"I'm an astronaut, and recently decided to invite my girlfriend to my work. She said she needed some space."

"Hey, ancient Egyptians! I'm eating popcorn that I cooked inside a bag in under a minute. Fuck your pyramids."

"I got in trouble for calling the rape hotline... Apparently it's only for ""victims""."