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Joke of the Day

"Hillary and Huma Hillary Clinton likes Huma Abedin who is married to Anthony Weiner which would make her Huma Weiner. That means that Hillary likes a Weiner which means that she is not gay."

"A haunted house, but just with a bunch of mall kiosk guys chasing you with face cream"

"Why does granny have black eyes? She was skipping without her bra"

"Here's what I'd like for my birthday: Everyone in the world, chewing with their mouths closed for the remainder of my life."

"MOM: You give that back to him, mister ME: Ok mom MOM: and what do we say now? ME: *climbing off unicycle* sorry I tried to steal your girl"

"So I was wondering whether any of my friends could possibly teach me quidditch... ...and then I thought, ""wait a minute, I know one. Oliver would""."

"What do you call a dog in a sub? A subwoofer! Now again: What do you call a dog in a sub? Chinese food!"

"I pulled a groin muscle getting out of bed this morning... over and over and over....."

"An Old German Visits the Doctor. His doctor comes into the room with a frown on his face, and tells him he has Lung Cancer. ""Well,"" the German says, ""I did Nazi that coming."""

"I grew up in a time where your mothers saliva was the most powerful cleaning agent around."