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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about the lawyer selling moonshine from a van outside the courthouse? He was disbarred."

"Damn girl, are you today's date? Cause you're 10/10"

"*Holds centipede up to your cheek as you're sleeping and whispers* Hey baby, the restraining order said a hundred feet..."

"I masturbated to Princess Leia the other day It was a hand solo."

"*At store buying school supplies* Son: I need hashtag 2 pencils"

"What was the shy rock's wish? To be a little boulder!"

"Man sees a kangaroo sitting in a movie theater ""Are you a kangaroo?"" asked the man, surprised. ""Yes."" ""What are you doing at the movies?"" The kangaroo replied, ""Well, I liked the book."""

"Made plans to exercise with a friend and now I have to go get in a car accident."

"I told my toilet to go eat shit... I probably shouldn't have said that because he got all flushed."

"Why are ugly guys better with computers then women? Turning off a computer often fixes the problem."