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Joke of the Day

"Judge: jury, how do you find the defendant? Me: [whispering] dude, he's like...right there. Judge: there's no talking Me: [pointing]"

"Old joke for Halloween. Why do witches not wear panties? For better grip on the broom"

"""What an awesome body-"" Oh... thanks. I work out- ""- of research."" - formulas. I work out formulas. *sips tea* I do a lot of math."

"How many optometrists does it take to change a light bulb? One, or two? Three, or four?"

"When you're really angry, instead of saying a filthy curse word, try yelling ""Finnegan's Biscuits!"" I find it quite satisfying."

"Been experiencing bad diarrhea for 2 years and finally getting some medication I guess you can say I'm getting my shit together again."

"Husband said our electricity bills are too high need to cut back so I asked him to move."

"They fired a Mexican guy at work the other day, he was a really hard worker. We hope the find some Juan to replace him soon we are getting tired of working overtime."

"Friday Fun Fact: There's more time spent installing Adobe updates than the actual use of Adobe."

"Me and my mates are in a band called Duvet. We're a cover band."