200313

Joke of the Day

"""What an awesome body-"" Oh... thanks. I work out- ""- of research."" - formulas. I work out formulas. *sips tea* I do a lot of math."

"Did you hear about the jeans manufacturing company that changed their product to pants made from one piece of fabric? They made a seamless transition."

"My penis is so big if i laid it out on a keyboard It would reach from A to Z"

"Most fucked up joke I ever heard (nsfw) The moment when you eat out your grandma, taste horse semen and think to yourself ""So this must be how she died""."

"If life gives you melons You might be dyslexic."

"COP: do you know why I pulled you over? COP'S WIFE: *now next to him on the couch* Because you're scared of the movie COP: Yes it's too real"

"Any salad can be a Caesar salad. You just need to stab it enough times."

"Whooooaaaa, I'm halfway therrreee WHOOOAAAA, LOSING ALL MY HAIRRRR Take this wig, we'll fake it I swearrrrr WHOAOHH, LOSING ALL MY HAIRRR"

"2 blondes are checking a car ""Does the turn signal work?"" ""Yes! No. Yes! No. Yes!"""

"I still get my 'drive-throughs' & 'drive-bys' mixed up. Which is the one where I have to take a gun?"