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Joke of the Day

"All Condoms have serial numbers on them- They do? I've never seen one- Yeah, C'mon, you know..Big numbers...at the...Oh... I guess you've never had to roll one back that far...."

"Why is Windows going from 8 to 10? Because 7 ate 9. Credit to a guy I work with."

"Sir? the table of hot ladies over there wanted to know what song you were drumming on the bar. they said it seemed very fast and impressive."

"Paddy wanted to buy a Labrador.. Mick said ""Fuck that, have you seen how many of their owners go blind!"""

"The cat licks itself and it's cute. I do it and I'm ""no longer allowed in the library""."

"Nowadays these adverts don't even make sense. The other day I saw this advert that said. The mother of all broadband! Virgin."

"I couldn't figure out how the hammer and nails worked... So I just said ""Screw it."""

"Some random guy on the street turned me into a bottle of tequila which rather annoyed me. I hate when people Patronize me"

"[Captain America, minutes after the love of his life's funeral] Damn her niece is hot"

"Pregnancy test commercials would be a lot more relatable if the women in them cursed and cried."