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Joke of the Day

"Which day is the most agreeable? Yesterday"

"Add ""in my pants"" after a song name Shake that laffy taffy in my pants"

"Note to self: I am a note"

"I bought some shoes from a drug dealer I am not sure what they were laced with but I have been tripping all day"

"What type of missiles were used in the Movie Top Gun? ""Tom"" Cruise Missiles."

"Me: Daughters, dude. Driving me crazy, you know? Him: Yeah. Me: Want another juice box, bro? Him: Yeah. 3 year-old neighbor boy gets me."

"""Harry Potter"" is pretty much ""Sex And The City"" for people who will never have sex, in any city."

"How does a vampire enter his house? Through the bat flap."

"a guy's wife died so in her memory, every month, he takes half of his paycheck and throws in in the trash"

"Why did the hipster drown, when he was iceskating? He was skating before it was cool"