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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear Tarantino is making a documentary about the Catholic Church? It's called Pulpit Fiction"

"OBAMA IS COMING FOR YOUR GUNS!! ME: OMG *clutches guns* [7 years later] ME (frustratedly checking my watch): This guy is taking forever"

"My wife told me this in the car the other day. Thought you might enjoy! Wife: I can't believe they're still together after all that shit. Me: Who? Wife: My butt cheeks."

"I couldn't imagine my parents having sex So last night I hid in their closet and watched"

"Cheap date idea: cut open a pack of hotdogs & squeeze the juice over your lover's body then summon a peregrine falcon with your mind."

"I do have a swimmers body, he's been in my trunk for days"

"snapchat conversations are hard because eventually you just run out of selfie poses so you end up taking pictures of the couch or something"

"Mr. Penis has a sad life. His hair is a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbour is an asshole, his bestfriend is a pussy and his owner beats him habitually!"

"Harassment Teacher: Frame a sentence using the word 'Harassment'. . . . Johnny: I was in love with a girl and Her Ass Meant a lot to me......."

"5 out of 6 people would recommend it... 5 out of 6 people who played Russian roulette, would recommend it to others."