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Joke of the Day

"""IT WAS NEVER SUPPOSED TO BE LIKE THIS!!!"" I yell at the guy next to me at the red light while tweezing stray hairs from my chin."

"What did the veterinarian performing canine reproductive surgery say to the veterinarian with over productive saliva disorder? Spay it don't spray it."

"Why is six afraid of seven? Because seven is a registered sex offender."

"Company Invents First Truly Secure and Encrypted Smartphone They're calling it the FU NSA. (real news)"

"If I could have any superpower It would be Cold War Russia"

"Two guys walk into a bar... the next one ducks."

"Wanna get rich? Buy my book, 'How to Get Stupid People on the Internet to Send You $39.95' for only $39.95."

"What starts with the letter ""M"" and picks up metal? Mexicans."

"Can you believe my fucking neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30 this morning?! 2:30am! Luckily for him I was still up playing my drums..."

"Who called it a vasectomy and not a cull de sack?"