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Joke of the Day

"I wondered how smokers could afford them, until I realized they don't have to save for retirement..."

"Misunderstood gift! My lesbian neighbours gave me a rolex for my birthday. Really sweet of them, but i think they misunderstood when I said ""I wanna watch"""""

"Growing up, mum was always like a beautiful bird. She would fly away and when she returned many hours later she would puke everywhere."

"I will not rest until I've finished this nap!"

"Say this to any woman. How does a beautiful woman change a lightbulb? Idk how? You've obviously never changed one."

"anyone wanna hear a pizza joke? Nahhh, its too CHEESY."

"It was odd seeing pecan logs at the grocery store... because I usually don't get the logs until after I eat the pecans."

"When are they going to drug test the audience of ""The Price Is Right.""? No one should be that happy."

"I'll always remember my dad's last words on his death bed: 'Son, what are you doing with that pillow?'"

"They told me I had type A blood... But it was a Type O"