70432

Joke of the Day

"The ATM told me, ""Not enough funds in account,"" when I tried to withdraw. This ATM needs a bigger account."

"What's the worst thing about being drunk? Ask a glass of water."

"Why does Steven Hawking hate the band Muse? Because he can't stand their song Uprising, it wants him to rise up and take the power back."

"My future's so bright that I have to wear lampshades like an injured dog."

"What do you call an orchestra with bronchitis? A coughcoughony!"

"I don't need feimsm i like my men to be REAL MEN! the worst day of my life was when i realised i had mistakenly married a big bag of oranges"

"What do you call a french man who's been attacked by a bear? Claude"

"If you keep bending your iPhone 6 you'll eventually have a sweet flip phone."

"What do vegan zombies say? GRAAAAAAINS!"

"Went to the dog car dealership. I could tell the salespeople were friendly, since I got all the Volkswagen at me!"