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Joke of the Day

"What type of dog did the tweaker have? A pure bred meth lab."

"I've been told that I'm very condescending That means I talk down to people"

"The self checkout lane was probably invented by a guy who was sent to the store to buy tampons."

"Muslim book store in New York: A man asks if they have the latest Donald Trump book on immigration. ""Fuck off, get out and don't come back"" says the store owner. ""That's the one!"" says the man"

"A blonde's house is on fire. She runs outside and yells ""Help me! My house is on fire! What do I do?!"" Someone else yells ""Call 911!"" The blonde yells back ""What's the number?"""

"Chuck Norris doesn't play god. Playing is for children."

"My friend asked me why scuba divers always fall backwards into the water... I told him if they fell forwards they would still be in the boat."

"At this late date, the only way I'm gonna be famous is if I save a baby from a fire. And the baby is filming the whole thing with his phone."

"I bet black unicorns have the biggest horns."

"*jumps from plane* *forgets parachute* *grabs onto flying squirrel* *lives to tell the tale*"