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Joke of the Day

"""weed is a gateway drug"" ""to what? the fridge? Hahaha"" *loses car, house, wife, and job because of fridge addiction*"

"I love arguing with you so much, I'll bring a Ouija board to your funeral."

"My jumper cables stopped working the other day So I called triple A to bounce up my trampoline"

"Don't trust anyone that orders a Medium Pizza...."

"I'm totally fine with everyone leaving the country if Trump wins or if Hillary wins. I need more space"

"You can pretend you're a ghost at pottery barn, there's no laws against that"

"Heard rumors that a coworker slept her way to a promotion. Damn, if the bosses only saw how much I sleep at my desk I'd own this place."

"Does Kanye really think America would elect a black man from the south side of Chicago with an odd name? Give me a break..."

"My girlfriend broke up with me She thinks that I'm childish. So, I calmed down. Took a deep breath. Went to her house. Rang the doorbell and then ran away."

"How did the ancient Greeks seperate the men from the boys? With a crowbar."