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Joke of the Day

"Steve Buscemi is the only reported case of the saying ""If you keep making that face, it's going to get stuck that way"" being true."

"Some people complain about it, but I don't really mind going into work every morning... It's the 8 hour wait to go home again that pisses me off."

"Why was Noah such a compelling character? He had a good ark."

"My son does this cute thing where he installs games on my phone and then for weeks I get notifications that my village is under attack."

"Paula Deen should create her own brand of butter called I Can't Believe It's Not 1860."

"I can't get hard unless I can hear a gluten intolerant person weeping over a menu."

"I noticed my car making this odd rumbling noise I think it might have gas."

"Nothing is more intimidating to me than someone who genuinely enjoys the outdoors."

"I'm going on a vodka diet. Apparently you can lose 3 days in one week..."

"DOC: We think you may have a phobia of marriage. Do you know what the symptoms are? ME: Can't say I do DOC: That's one of the symptoms, yes."