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Joke of the Day

"Sporty I bought my wife fumarate. Now during sex moans as Sharapova."

"WHAT ARE THOSE?! Thanks, how did you know?"

"If anyone sees Phillip... ...tell him I have his screwdriver."

"Father: You've got 4 D's and a C on your report. Son: ""Maybe I concentrated too much on the one subject !"""

"Why is it difficult to make fun of the Large Hadron Collider? Because it's hard to discern."

"How are mashed potatoes similar to an online college degree? If it ends up on your wall, you're probably retarded."

"REPORTER: how does it feel that ur tweet got like 0 favs? ME: it made me laugh so I dont think its so bad R: how does it feel 2 be wrong tho"

"I got kicked out of my Community Theatre group when the female director asked to see me limp. How was I to know she was talking about walking?"

"What do you call a dog in jeans and a sweater ? A plain clothes police dog !"

"Has anyone seen the new Ebola video ? I heard it went viral."