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Joke of the Day

"What do Batman's parents shout when dinners ready? NOTHING, BECAUSE THEY'RE DEAD."

"I have seen my first naked lady Sorry, I meant... I have seen my First Lady naked."

"What's blue and flies around the room at high speeds? A baby with a punctured lung"

"ever since i put all my eggs in one basket i have received unsolicited egg advice, you dont know my life, you dont know what im all about"

"Boy to Friend: I'm sorry I won't be able to go out after school. I promised Dad that I would stay in and help him with my homework."

"Harry was blind. His friends bought him a silver-coated nutmeg grater. When they asked how he liked it, he said it was the most violent story he'd ever read."

"Me: Look, even if you could breathe underwater, no one wants to be Aquaman. 4yo: Who's Aquaman? Me: EXACTLY!"

"Why did the feminist cross the road? To suck my fucking cock."

"Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, ""You're next."" They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals."

"NSFW Your dick's like Mt. Everest... it's hard to get up"