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Joke of the Day

"Decided to stop partying at friends houses who have toddlers... Those childproof bathroom doorknobs are absolutely hell to open while drunk."

"Murder is legal if it happens after a morning person says ""WELL WELL WELLLLLL LOOK WHO FINALLY GOT UP"""

"How do you know if someone is a vegetarian? He is going to tell you."

"What is owned by you but mostly... What is owned by you but mostly used by others? Your name! -"

"You know how Feminists say, ""The only thing men think about is sex."" We also think ""Should I risk it and not wear the condom?"""

"How many porn stars does it take to turn change a fuse? It's too hard to tell. They keep blowing it."

"Gay jokes are not funny! Cum on guys!"

"I'm going to the inaugural meeting of the Dodgem Car Appreciation Society later. They're expecting a bumper crowd."

"TIFU by calling a flight attendant a stewardess. Man did he get pissed off."

"""The new iPhone 6 is bigger!"" Meh. ""It has more sensors!"" Pfft. ""You can block group texts."" I WOULD LIKE ONE THOUSAND OF YOUR IPHONE"