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Joke of the Day

"What do you call someone who is known for being heartless and cold to others? Dead"

"I call my penis Oscar Pistorius... ... it only goes inside for a disappointingly short period of time."

"When people with bible quotes in their bio follow me...I don't know man. I think you're gonna have a bad time"

"How do you make a dog say meow? Put it in the freezer, then get a chainsaw and cut it. MEEEEEEEOOOWWW!!"

"How much does it cost a pirate to get his ears pierced? A buck an ear."

"When did you stop beating your wife? When we stopped having masturbation races."

"Have you seen www.yawn.com? Yes but I'm a bit tired of it."

"What language does a patio speak? Porch-uguese"

"Just fell into a toilet last night and now I'm feeling really sad... Been down in the dumps all day."

"I bought my wife a refrigerator for her birthday. I know it's not the best gift in the world, but you should have seen her face light up when she opened it."