69334

Joke of the Day

"Two Jewish women are on a bench One turns to the other and says ""meh"" The other responds ""eh"" The first one replies ""but enough about the children"""

"DAD: I invented a diaper that's also a time machine! MOM: Where do the poops go DAD: dunno! [CUT TO: A BUNKER IN GERMANY, 1942] HITLER: omfg"

"A recent survey done by marriage experts shows that the most common form of marriage proposal these days consists of the words: ""You're what?!?"""

"I can't wait for the next Quantum Physicist triathlon. I'm going to stand beside the bikes and yell out their speeds. They'll get so lost they'll end back at the starting line."

"Just once, I'd like to see a cactus that isn't flexing."

"How do you make a woman drive in a circle? Take away her rights."

"Choose your own adventure: S O F A T H E R E Y E S P O P Dad sees a soda? Moving a couch for dad? Obese girl with a vision problem?"

"If you try to fail and succeed which have you done?"

"What was Jeremy Clarkson on during Top Gear? SPEEEED!"

"I may have no one rocking my world right now, but I have no one ruining it either!"