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Joke of the Day

"I'm excited for the zombie apocalypse so I can trap famous dead celebrities and make the best Broadway show ever assembled."

"California is getting so much rain right now... ...that even Caitlyn Jenner is getting wet."

"Why are Canadian Jews so poor? Because there are no pennies to pick up off the ground."

"What happens when you put Root Beer in a Square Glass? It just becomes beer"

"Why did the Polish man think his wife was plotting to murder him? He found a bottle of polish remover on her dresser"

"Did you know John Travolta's home has an airport in it? Too bad, he got the bomb detecting dogs about 7 movies too late."

"Everybody is somebody else's weirdo."

"Why is a divorce so expensive? Because it is worth it."

"If dogs have taught me anything, it's that barking is a GREAT way to get rid of people you don't want to speak to. Works for me EVERY TIME."

"[Witness Protection Program] So the more ordinary, mundane your new name is, the easier it'll be to blend into your new- BUBBLENUTS McFUNKY!"