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Joke of the Day

"They say choose a major you love and you'll never work a day in your life... because that field probably isn't hiring."

"Why did the cowboy buy a dachshund? 'Cause he wanted to git a long, little doggie."

"""I enjoy long walks on the bitch."" -a flea's online dating profile"

"What is Adam Johnson's favourite kill streak? Predator missile"

"How do you call a Russian tree? Dimitree"

"They should really replace, ""I now pronounce you man and wife"" with ""FINISH HIM!!"""

"My dad put snowballs in the blender I miss snowballs he was a great cat"

"Long ago, my mentor told me to look into self improvement. He used to mumble a bit, though. Now I don't have the discipline to actually build one, but I know everything about constructing shelves."

"I respect you, liquor store shopping cart user."

"I bought one follower just to see what it was like and he showed up at my job and his name is Eddie and he's kind of freaking me out guys."