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Joke of the Day

"Donated blood today. One lucky person will wake up from an operation with the sudden ability to read 3000 tweets per hour."

"Germans today are so lazy; It's been more than 70 years since they last invaded their neighbors"

"Girl, are you pre-Renaissance art? Because you need to get some perspective."

"My ex-wife still misses me... but her aim is gettin' better!"

"Do you know how to avoid clickbait? Apparently not."

"A black man and a Mexican man open a restaurant together. What is it called? Nachomama"

"*sees person I know in a crowd* *waves enthusiastically* * realizes I don't know person* * changes enthusiastic wave to awkward fist pump*"

"HAPPY NEW YEARS EVE: It takes 24,637 BOLTS to put a car together, but only one NUT to spread it all over the road. Don't Drink & Drive!"

"Yo momma's so fat that objects 5 meters away accelerate at 1 m/s^2 toward her. What is yo momma's mass if G = 6.67x10^-11Nm^2/kg^2? Please, someone help me, I can't solve it and it's making me nuts."

"What do you call a cannibal that only eats midgets? Anorexic"