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Joke of the Day
"Giraffe walks into a bar and says... The hi-balls are on me."
Next Joke
"Why Can't A Bike Stand On Its Own? It's two-tired!"
"[Siri Beta] What do you get when you cross a kangaroo with an alien? A mars-upial"
"look son, i kinda need you to go to hong kong & win a martial arts tournament to the death for me because i sorta told my neighbor you did"
"Who was the greatest female author in German history? Ann Schluss. Her books had a way of taking over Czechoslovakia and Austria in particular. edit: Czechoslovakia & Austria"
"A horror movie where the girl in the woods actually outruns the mutated chainsaw murderer, then it shows him sadly limping back to his car."
"""You are what you eat"" I chant furiously, shoving another roach in my mouth. Mushroom clouds keep growing in the distance"
"People are so unreliable Waited in all day for someone to come and fix my broken doorbell, but they never turned up."
"How many hippies does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None. Hippies screw in vans."
"You can say what you like about Paedophiles... ..at least they drive slowly in a school area."