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Joke of the Day
"From a shark's perspective, Jaws is a lot like Home Alone."
Next Joke
"Does killing time damage eternity?"
"Checking your phone when someone pulls out their phone is the yawn of our generation."
"Giving somebody a greeting card is the most festive way to deposit $5 into their trashcan."
"What do you call a three-humped camel? Pregnant."
"I have Electile Dysfunction Electile Dysfunction : the inability to become aroused over any of the choices for President put forth by either party in the 2016 election year."
"Me: looks like taco bells closed, sign says short staff Dad: well damnit! They should have hired taller people!!"
"Women who like facials must be a myth. At least, I've never cum across one."
"I do not have an obsession with tidiness. I just wanted to clear that up."
"It's sad that, because of cell phones, kids today will never know what it's like to choke their friends with a phone cord."