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Joke of the Day
"Columbus didn't get to India because he was dis-Oriented He found the Americas by Occident."
Next Joke
"My clearest memory of high school is my friend asking me if I brought gym clothes and me asking, ""Who the fuck is Jim?"""
"A vaping hipster aetheist vegan crossfitter walks into a bar just kidding people like that dont exist but I imagine they do so I have someone to hate other than myself haha."
"Your mommas so fat That when she posted to /r/gonewild they renamed the sub /r/earthporn"
"Why do little girls carry goldfish in their pockets? Q: Why do little girls carry goldfish in their pockets? A: To smell like big girls."
"I use words like ""acquiesce"" and ""ubiquitous"" in daily conversation and then I throw in a ""for reals yo"" just to stay mysterious."
"Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Just think, there are people out there who don't get to read my tweets."
"Yes, I am having meat on Friday. I won't tell God if you don't."
"What did number 2 say to number 1? you're an odd fellow"
"My wife doesn't know... That every time we have sex, I put a dollar into an envelope that goes toward her Christmas present. So far, she's getting a candy bar."