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Joke of the Day

"A vaping hipster aetheist vegan crossfitter walks into a bar just kidding people like that dont exist but I imagine they do so I have someone to hate other than myself haha."

"My wife and I just made a porno. Too bad she's my late wife."

"hey there delilah, oh shit no i meant vicky babe i promise you're the only one no this is not a hickey ?it's just a bruuuise ?"

"To limit my smoking... I only smoke on days that start with 'T'... like Tuesday, Thursday, today, and tomorrow."

"What do you call the procedure for female to male sex change? A stitchadicktomy"

"Winrar is not free"

"Mom. Dad. I like my coffee like I like my women. I don't like coffee. I'm gay."

"And now I spend the rest of the day worrying about whether or not I removed the sticker from the apple I just ate."

"Hey, did you hear that I'm dating Carbon Monoxide? They're a little clingy though, it feels like they're suffocating me"

"To tell the difference between African and Indian elephants you have to look at their ears. You lift one up and shout ""Where are you from?"""