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Joke of the Day

"What goes in long and hard and comes out soft and wet? A Stick of Gum..."

"Him: Are you gonna kill me? Me: WHAT? Him: Your mood swings. I figured today's the day I die. Me: Him: *whispers* Please don't hurt me."

"I gave my wife my email address but she keeps on speaking directly to me."

"How do you pick up a jew? Dust pan and brush"

"Most hookers don't give a fuck because it's much more profitable to sell a fuck."

"A woman walks into a bar... And the bartender says, ""What'll it be, love?"" The woman replies, ""I'll take a double entendre."" So he gave it to her."

"Come on Canada, first Celine, then Nickelback, NOW Bieber!? Are you TRYING to provoke a war?"

"""I think you'll like her. She's smart, funny, and a libra"" I've never met a libra *is super disappointed when date isn't a lion zebra mix*"

"Two muffins are baking in the oven One muffin looks at the other and says, ""It's getting pretty hot in here"". The other muffin replies, ""HOLY SHIT A TALKING MUFFIN""!"

"Where did I get my scarf? It's a CVS receipt. You love it? Oh thank you very much."