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Joke of the Day

"All is fair in drunk and war."

"[job interview] ""Tell me about yourself"" *flashback to when I used hand towels mom said are specifically for guests* I'm a risk taker"

"I was going to tell a joke about amnesia But for the life of me, I can't seem to remember it!"

"Shortest Joke Ever Venicine's dear isn't it. Courtesy of Jimmy Carr, great joke."

"Two guys walk into a bar.. You'd think that second one would have ducked."

"You are like snow. White. Pretty to look at. I used to like to play with you but now I'll pay someone to get rid of you."

"I haven't been drunk in so long, I almost forgot what it's like to love everyone."

"I had some food stuck in my teeth and now I'm an international beatboxing champion."

"I think my new neighbor is a rapist, but that's because I say, ""...said the rapist."" after every one of his sentences."

"Why do they call it PMS? Because Mad Cow Disease was already taken."