679

Joke of the Day

"Pretty busy at the gym this morning. I'm 6th in line for a selfie."

"[after 20 minutes of awkward silence in the sauna] ""This isn't the bathroom is it"""

"I'm glad Canada won. Beating them in hockey would like telling Yo-Yo Ma that the cello sucks. He's a nice dude, let him be into the cello."

"In my old age, I am like a fine wine... Fifteen percent alcohol by volume."

"I'm hosting an event for people who are unable to have an orgasm. Let me know if you can't come."

"Squirrels are just rats who blow dry their tails."

"I'm picking up some really good vibes from this guy... ...because he's not coming with me tonight. :("

"Just thought of this burn Your dick is so small, when you piss it sounds like Wile E. Coyote falling off a cliff."

"I bet it's tough being a police sketch artist in China."

"What kind of bars do lesbian Eskimos go to? Klondike Bars"