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Joke of the Day

"[Produce Aisle] Sir, we're going to have to ask you to leave. *mouthful of like 20 grapes * ""That lady took one too!!"""

"I just finished watching the Curt Cobain documentary... It ended with a bang."

"Jesus and Mary will occasionally appear on toast, or pancake, or waffles. Always breakfast foods. Why? Because it's the most important meal."

"I tried to post a joke about foreskin earlier... but it got removed"

"How many telemarkers does it take to change a light bulb? 3. One to change the bulb and two to talk about how beautiful the turns were."

"Son: Dad, why is my sister's name Florence? Dad: Because we conceived her in Florence, Italy. Son: I guess that's a nice way of naming your kids. Dad: Yeah, Backseat, it is."

"Whenever a guy named Stephen tells me what to do, I like to yell, ""you're not my real hen!"" and run away..."

"I do resistance training every day It's called refusing to go to the gym"

"2-year-old: The dog tastes like dirt. Me: Don't lick the dog. 2: He licked me first."

"If you drop your cellphone in water put it in a bowl of rice... It will attract an Asian who will fix it for you. (just heard from buddy of mine)"