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Joke of the Day

"I scream. You scream. We all scream. I'm not supposed to be at this slumber party."

"Did you hear about the cannibal who dumped his girlfriend?"

"I once walked in on my brother having sex with my girlfriend. Needless to say I deflated her and threw her in the trash."

"To catch a woman, one must think like a woman. *places glass of wine, and Channing Tatum dvd on mouse trap"

"What do Nazis do on a beach vacation? They ride on Adolf-in no? I'll see myself out."

"Why did the porn star end up in the E.R.? One too many blows to the head. My only original joke. I'll see myself out."

"""You make me so wet."" - me, to my shower."

"Pluto wanted to throw Earth a birthday party on New Year's Eve But he forgot to planet"

"Me: Dad, am I adopted? Dad: Shit, like I'd have picked you?"

"I know it's gross, but the only time it's acceptable to shout 'I have diarrhoea' is when playing scrabble. Because it's worth a shit load of points. - Zach Galifianakis."