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Joke of the Day

"Am I the only one who feels bad breaking a family of bananas in half? This is how sensitive and crazy I am."

"If your girl says ""Hey guess what!"" you better already have your super excited blown away face picked out for whatever nonsense comes next."

"[Self-Checkout] ME: also I ate a donut in the store MACHINE: Place the item on the belt ME: I can't because I ate it MACHINE: Place the"

"I inherited an Epipen My friend gave it to me as he was dying. It seemed very important to him that I have it."

"I'm going to change my name to Benny Fitz...so when people add me on Facebook, it will say;..You are now friends with Benny Fitz."

"Why did the shark spit out the clown? Because he tasted funny!"

"You know the old saying: If it ain't Baroque... ...then it was probably written by more experimental composers after ~1760."

"What do you call a group of confused Spanish speaking racists? The Que Que Que?"

"""She lived a long, long life. And saw basically nothing."" - eulogy for a cat"

"TIL that there is an animal with an asshole on its back A Police Horse"