67270

Joke of the Day

"Never borrow money from a zombie: they almost always want to be paid back in brains"

"My Echo ''You're beautiful and I love you,"" I yelled as I stood alone on the cliff, and my echo replied ""I just want to be friends."""

"This fall on Fox: X-Files Babies. Baby Skully and Baby Mulder meet at a petting zoo when they both get knocked over by the same goat."

"Judge:""Since we can't prove who's baby it is we will ... cut the baby in half Worm Mom 1:""Sure Worm Mom 2 :""Ya do it."

"Doctors, soldiers, firefighters. These are all respected positions. But the position I respect most as a parent Is a driver's Ed instructor"

"Wife: Are you crying in there? Me crying: NO! W: have you been eating cheese again? *opens door* Me with mousetrap stuck to lips: NO"

"If pro is the opposite of con.. Then what is the opposite of progress? Congress.... Thank you George Carlin :)"

"What do you call a Nazi cetacean? Adolfin."

"What's the difference between a bag of cocaine and a 4 year-old child? Eric Clapton never would have let his bag of coke fall out of a 49th-story window!"

"[First Date] Him: Great dress. Me: Oh, this? *flips hair* *twirls* *skirt flares* *foot catches* *face plants* Him: Me: Hey! Come back!"