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Joke of the Day

"Wanna hear a joke? My bank account... :("

"A Galaxy Phone, an iPhone and a windows phone fall out a top story window. The galaxy phone bounces with minor cracks. The iPhone smashes into dozens of pieces. The windows phone freezes mid decent."

"Math is like my parenting. I do it when I have to, but I'm not great at it."

"I went to a party as a pirate (oc) I went to a party as a pirate and met a girl dressed as a whale She wasn't into me You can say I walked the plankton"

"What does it mean when a man makes eye contact with a woman while she speaks? Her tits aren't nice"

"Me: Mom, am I ugly? Mom: Why don't you ask your girlfriend? Me: But I don't have a girlfriend! Mom: Still looking for the answer?"

"Son: ""Mom, Dad.. I'm gay"" Mom: *staring at dad Dad: *clenches fists Mom: ""don't..."" Dad: *sweats profusely Mom: ........ Dad: ""HI GAY. I'M DAD"""

"How much do you want to bet that the inventor of the Lazy Susan has an ex-wife named Susan?"

"How do you confuse Hellen Keller? Give her a basketball, and tell her to read it."

"I know the rule: if you're dreaming and you're about to pee, wake up! But last night I found myself about to pee on Emma Watson, and man, I just had to see where that one was going."