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Joke of the Day

"What do you say to get the attention of a gold bar? ""AU"""

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"If I could be any arithmetic operation, I'd be subtraction. I just want to make a difference."
"Every ""Seinfeld"" plot would have been solved by a cellphone."
"My dad gave me the best advice ever. ""Before you marry a woman, meet her mother and you'll know what your wife will be like in 30 years time"" I learned she won't be giving me head or anal."
"What's the difference between sixty-nining and driving in the fog? When you're driving in the fog you can't see the asshole in front of you!"
"[bank] Robber: EVERYONE GET DOWN! Me: [crying] my wife left & my kids think I'm a joke Robber: No I mean- Robber2: Wait! Let him finish"
"What do Ethiopian's and a pair of jeans have in common? They both have flies on them."
"What would Chrysler's version of the Ford Focus be called? Chrysler Concentrate"
"What a man How do you respond to someone who says ""fuck you"" Answer: You fuck you"
"How does a French woman hold her liquor? By the ears."