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Joke of the Day

"Looking for an Australian joke! I saw it yesterday. I only remember the last line was ""bummer man""."

"No son, you can't go out with your friends. Tonight we're installing Windows Updates, as a family."

"I hate how everyone thinks I'm a d*ckhead just because I go to the gym! I was a d*ckhead well before I went to the gym"

"What do you call dangerous precipitation? A rain of terror"

"What did the baby order at the chinese restaurant? Goo goo gai pan!"

"2-year-old: The dog tastes like dirt. Me: Don't lick the dog. 2: He licked me first."

"[my first day as a financial investor] ""I'm going all in on this Acme Corporation. Anybody want a piece?"""

"What does its job only after its been fired? A bullet."

"Calm down white moms on dish detergent commercials, no wife is EVER that excited about dishes. Ever."

"Why did Adele cross the road? So I could hit her with my car and shut everyone up."