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Joke of the Day

"What does its job only after its been fired? A bullet."

"A sentence and depression What does a ""sentence"" and ""two months of depression hoping that you didn't get your girlfriend pregnant have in common""? They both end in periods"

"BILLY CORGAN: the world is a vampire ME: wouldn't it explode into flames as soon as the sun hit it then? BILLY: shut up *runs off crying*"

"What's the difference between a normal pirate and a sexy pirate? The type of booty they plunder."

"127 HOURS but me trying to get my hand out of the Pringles can"

"My hair is 100% organic, but it has been tested on animals. Portions may have been used to drape over cats' heads to make little wigs."

"At a Starbucks job interview ""What is your name?"" -Alyssa ""Could you spell that, please?"" -L A R I S S A ""When can you start?!"""

"So a fisherman is having an argument with a stain on his shirt.. And the stain says ""I'm fish jizz, thank you."" And the fisherman replies ""No, you're whale-cum"""

"If a guy with Red Hair works at a Bakery, does that make him a GingerBread Man? I ask this because I'm baked at the moment.."

"What's similar between an angry cow and one of the most easily detected leptonic decay channels of the z boson? They've both got a muon!"