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Joke of the Day

"if I am elected governor I will eat your pillow while you sleep and unlike my opponent I will also do it if I am not elected"

"Flowers: Because nothing says ""sorry a loved one passed away"" like something else that'll wither and die right in front of you"

"Is it ""butt"" naked or ""buck"" naked? Either way, this dentist appointment is making me very uncomfortable."

"Mexicans are so good at basketball It's in there blood. They can Run, Jump, Shoot and steal."

"I've just wrecked myself. I wish I'd checked myself beforehand."

"Why did the bowler bring two pairs of pants? He wanted a spare in case he had a split."

"What happens when you drop a frying pan on a cake You get a pancake"

"So many women in the world, but out of all the men in the world who has the best picks? Probably climbers and miners."

"I'm all set for Friday night: got my mac 'n cheese dinner, 40 oz., 'Steel Magnolias' DVD, Twitter friends and tears."

"ME [struggling]: skinny jeans, skinny jeans, let me in SCARED DENIM: don't come back till you're thinny, thin, thin"