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Joke of the Day

"Q: What do you call an 800 pound gorilla? A: Anything he wants to be called."

"Thank god 4 the guy at the bar yelling ""YOU GOTTA CATCH THAT!!!"" when a receiver drops the ball. Had no idea he was supposed to catch it."

"So a cinematographer, writer, and production designer walk into a bar.... and the director takes all the credit."

"kids r so cute!!! they dont wanna sleep becuase theyre afraid of having nightmares whereas adults cant wait to sleep so they can escape them"

"I'm currently stuck behind traffic lights. Fuck you Roxanne."

"Can I borrow that book of yours How To Become A Millionaire? Sure. Here you are. Thanks - but half the pages are missing. What's the matter? Isn't half a million enough for you?"

"What do you call a Mexican crossed with an octopus? I don't know, but it sure can pick lettuce."

"me: it's too hot *opens window* *in comes 305430 flies, 43866 spiders, 91193 moths, a serial killer, a paedophile and a burglar* (HELP)"

"Ladies, if a man doesn't answer your ""What are you doing tonight?"" text till it's already night time, you're Plan B."

"The Egg Race Who came in first? The over easy egg because it was really runny. How about second? The over medium egg because it was only a little runny. And last? That would be the baked egg."