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Joke of the Day

"What did the salad say before being eaten Lettuce go."

"I can tell if someone's uncomfortable around me just by staring at them for 3 hours."

"My Grandfather has the heart of a lion! And a ban from the cincinnati zoo"

"Dolphins are really smart. Within a few weeks of captivity they can train people to stand on the edge of the pool and feed them."

"A koala is sitting in a bar.. I chopped him up and put him in there. I couldn't make him fit as a whole."

"When people say 'oh, you're still single?' I like to reply with 'wow, you're still married?' I'm popular."

"When I get naked in the bathroom... the shower gets turned on."

"My phone is crap. I put it into airplane mode and threw it up in the air. Worst transformer ever."

"It'd be pretty rad if the Pope's Twitter account was just Billy Joel's second Twitter account where he only tweets while on Ambien."

"Why do hippies have sex at music festivals? Because it is intents"