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Joke of the Day

"The woman next to me on this roller-coaster won't stop screaming and shouting. It's like she's never seen a penis before."

"(pretending to be well-read to impress a girl) War and Peace? Yeah I loved that one ""What was your favorite part?"" I'd have to say the Peace"

"My neighbour knocked on my door at 2.30AM Can you believe the nerve of some people? Luckily for him I was still up playing my drums."

"If Russia invaded Turkey from behind, will Greece help?"

"Stop! Hammered time."

"Adolf Hitler once asked the Germans if it was raining in their place The Germans replied ""No, it's hail Hitler"""

"I'm teaching my boys to leave the toilet seat up so there's no pee on it when I put it down. Everything is a lie and life is a bad dream."

"Most black 15-year-olds are decent law-abiding citizens. It's their kids that cause all the trouble."

"For her birthday, my wife wanted something that went from 0 to 80 in 5 seconds. So I got her a weighing machine..."

"Friend: Your three kids are so well behaved! Me: Well .... there used to be four."