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Joke of the Day

"if anyone tries to tell you your dreams are unachievable just remember i have crashed my dirt bike into all 7 wonders of the world"

"I like my coffee how I like my women... Cold and bitter"

"Did you ever get two pieces of shocking news at once? I just found out my sister was diagnosed with testicular cancer."

"What's the difference between your wife and your work? After 5 years, your work still sucks."

"Do you know why super villains are so good at math? Because of all their practice plotting."

"What do hand grenades and wives have in common? Remove the ring and your house is gone."

"When my girlfriend's done wrong it's written all over her face. I have a flair for the dramatic, so I use a red pen."

"*angrily detangles self from wind chime*"

"What do you get if you cross a glow-worm with a python? A twenty-foot-long strip-light that can squeeze you to death."

"How do you drown a hipster? ... you push him into the mainsteam"