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Joke of the Day

"Willie Nelson's public statement regarding being caught with a bag of marijuana recently: ""It's a good thing I had a bag of marijuana. If it had been a bag of spinach, I'd be dead by now."""

"I fucking hate the Kool-Aid man that guy has such a punchable face"

"What's the Difference Between An Onion and a Baby I cry when I cut onions."

"I have my own private jet But my mum owns the rest of the jacuzzi."

"While some guys go to the gym to clean & snatch... Others go to to see lean snatch. C what I did there?"

"Don't you just hate it when you finally get the courage to confess your love to someone and they just stare at you, meow and walk away."

"If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed. HA."

"I'm like a trampoline... My friends know i exist, but they never play with me"

"When my wife starts ... When my wife starts to sing I always go out and do some garden work so our neighbors can see there's no domestic violence going on."

"*Cop yells at dog* LADY WHAT ARE U DOING *dog continues to give birth* THATS IT UR GETTING A TICKET FOR *looks directly at camera* LITTERING"