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Joke of the Day

"I don't need anyone with a so-called degree ""to"" tell me I use quotes wrong."

"when life gives you lemons make apple juice, then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it."

"The difference between a scientist and a plumber... The way you pronounce unionized."

"I couldn't figure out why my car exhaust was so quiet... It left me baffled!"

"What do computers eat for snacks? Micro-chips."

"currently standing in a crowded elevator by myself holding a plate with a waffle on it everyone looks confused clearly they don't know me"

"what's the height of trust? two cannibals in a 69"

"[stubs toe] ""GOD DAMMIT"" God: No problem, bro. [toe goes to Hell]"

"Why don't native Americans like snow? Because it's white and all over their land."

"Kudos to Mattel for making Barbie reflect the average woman! I'm buying the one with massive student loan debt & a fear of cement trucks."