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Joke of the Day

"Where do you go to meet the best fish? It doesn't matter - any old plaice will do."

"How does a penguin keep itself hydrated? His waddle bottle."

"You know what George Bush and Floyd Mayweather have in common? W."

"If all the women in the world died at once.... It would be a pain in the arse"

"Why is divorce so expensive? Because it's fuckin' worth it. A friend's divorce is being finalized today and he often says this."

"Why do scuba divers fall backwards off of boats? Because if they fell foward, they would still be on the boat."

"You have the perfect face for radio."

"Me: I won't be in due to a VOLCANO Boss: ..we live, in Florida..? Me: IRRELEVANT Boss: Me: *opens 3rd bottle of vodka, puts on arm floaties*"

"Why did the fastest animal on earth got disqualified on the race? Because it is using steroids."

"I'm all wet! ""Give it to me!"" she yelled, ""I'm so fucking wet, give it to me now!"" She could scream all she wanted, I was keeping the umbrella."