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Joke of the Day

"Hey do you mind if I play street fighter with you? SHORYUKEN!"

"Friend: ""Hey, that girl is cute. Can you put in a good word for me?"" Me: ""Sure"" *walks up to girl* *whispers* ""magnanimous"""

"FIRST HUMAN BOY: I can lift a monster with one hand. SECOND HUMAN BOY: Bet you can't! FIRST HUMAN BOY: Find me a monster with one hand and I'll prove it."

"I haven't spoken to my wife in 6mths, I don't like to interrupt her."

"What my girlfriend thought, first 4 dates: 1. Nice shirt. 2. Wow. A second nice shirt. 3. Okay, first shirt again. 4. He has two shirts."

"Excited for Tuesday. Inception is releasing a DVD, inside of a Bluray, inside of a digital copy, inside of a dream, inside of BestBuy."

"What did the right eye said to the left? Between me and you, ""something smells""."

"What type of road race do Donald Trump supporters run? 3 K's"

"You can only regret what you remember. -Tequila"

"""If a Groundhog emerges from this hole wearing too much eye shadow, its grounded for 6 weeks for being a whore""--Groundhog dad"