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Joke of the Day

"Spelling is very important in cosmetic surgery no one wants buttocks injected into their face"

"My girlfriend might not appriciate this. Me: I've got something to tell you. Gf: Don't say that makes me anxious. Me: I've got a date. Gf: ??? Me: http://imgur.com/GeYB7xY Still to hear back from her."

"If republicans stand up and clap I get a shot, if democrats stand up and clap I have to buy someone a shot who can't afford it. #sotu"

"A Brit, a Jew and a Canadian. So a Brit, a Jew and a Canadian are sitting in bar. The jew lifts his head from his drink and says, ""I just don't know anymore, does america got talent?"""

"The number one cause of teenage pregnancy is sluts."

"Doctor Doctor When I press with my finger here... it hurts and here... it hurts and here... and here... What do you think is wrong with me? You have a broken finger!"

"I've decided I want to start a career in Mirror Cleaning It's just something I can see myself doing."

"*A coyote bites my leg in front of a girl I like but I wanna seem cool so I just keep walking and take it with me*"

"Did you hear Helen Keller was an atheist? I guess she never saw the light."

"I saw a chameleon today. I guess it was a pretty crappy chameleon."