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Joke of the Day

"Why don't female mathematicians use tampons? They are weary of anything that advertises discrete AND continuous protection."

"My 2 year old has a pretty big attitude considering that I'm the only one who can open the fridge."

"How do you stop an Italian from talking? Cut their hands off."

"Wifey: We should get a chest freezer. Me: We don't need a freezer that big. Wifey: What if we need to hide bodies? Me: I love you."

"I keep having this dream that I'm being carried off by a giant squirrel. Does that make me nuts?"

"what do you call the offspring of two lesbians? A hermaphrodike"

"The masochist and a sadist. What did the masochist say to the sadist? *Hit me.* What did the sadist say to the masochist? *No.*"

"What do you do if the Ocean stares at you? Sea it and Wave :3"

"What do you get when you cross a donkey and an onion? A piece of ass that will bring a tear to your eye."

"Let stand in microwave for 2 minutes.' Hah. Yeah, like I make microwave dinners because I'm patient."