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Joke of the Day

"So the suicide hotline is only for prevention and not for nominating people who should kill themselves. Sucks. I made a list and everything."

"I haven't said a single truthful thing on here since I became the King of Sweden."

"Two Pieces of Cake Tom: Mom, can I have two pieces of cake, please? Mom: Certainly -- take this piece and cut it two!"

"How is being a pimp like being a farmer? You get some hoes and they get dough for you."

"Most of my sextapes are on DVD.. except for that gay one where I Blu-Ray."

"What's the difference between a regular horse and a police horse? A police horse has an extra asshole on top."

"Why did the duck cross the playground? To get to the other slide."

"My fear of spiders happened when I went to hit one with a newspaper, and it looked at me and did pushups saying ""try again bro."""

"The most awkward part of a murder/suicide pact has to be deciding who goes first."

"My girlfriend wanted to use a protractor during sex... but I told her graphing paper is where I draw the line."