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Joke of the Day

"My wife's friend's baby always cries when her mom leaves the room. My son just laughs at her. Proud father of a douchebag."

"What shakes and sits at the bottom of the ocean? A nervous wreck."

"I smoke in the car and the smell is in my clothes, skin, and hair but this gum will cover everything up so no one will know. - smokers"

"Why does the hipster make crappy coffee? The beans are always under-ground."

"""Tender and mild"" is a great way to describe chicken and a TERRIBLE way to describe a holy infant."

"Why would Hilary Clinton as president be good for the economy? We would only need to pay her 78 cents on the dollar."

"What weighs 4 tons and is bright red ? An elephant holding its breath !"

"I don't know what I would do if I got to Greece... ...and couldn't get a single gyro."

"TIL the band Tenacious D didn't actually sing the greatest song in the world It was just a tribute"

"The grown up version of Tetris is loading a full dishwasher."