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Joke of the Day

"My wife's friend's baby always cries when her mom leaves the room. My son just laughs at her. Proud father of a douchebag."

"[breakup talk] H: Gimme one last chance! M: How can I trust you again? H: She meant nothing to me! M: Not that. You bought lite sour cream!"

"What's your favorite rape joke? Here's mine: ______________________________"

"What idiot called it Canada and not the US of Eh?"

"BRUCE LEE: Be formless, shapeless, like water. HARPER LEE: Things are never as bad as they seem. PARSLEY: I am a stalk vegetable."

"Why is Arrested Development funny? Because the farce is strong with that one."

"I'm not being creepy but i can see thru my binoculars that your family portrait is hanging crooked on your wall"

"Ghost: Are you coming to my party? Spook: Where is it? Ghost: In the morgue - you know what they say the morgue the merrier."

"Learn to solve your problems like a constipated mathematician... Just work it out with a pencil."

"Just went to an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers."